Adam Baran

Been obsessed with both the song and the video for the past few days. The singer is adorable!

Today is Barbara Stanwyck’s 100th Birthday. I’m not sure why this is a trend to celebrate the 100th Birthdays, or Centennials, or whatever of people who are dead, but nevertheless…

Is that camp or is that camp? Barbara Stanwyck coming out onstage to “Through the Eyes of Love,” aka “The theme from Ice Castles?” Please!

I was on YouTube this morning looking for clips from the hysterical Italian King-Kong rip-off YETI: GIANT OF THE 20th CENTURY, when I found this clip, from the Electric Company. These were campy Spider-Man spots that used the balloon bubbles to teach kids how to read, supposedly. It’s narrated by Todd Graff, who directed the musical theater movie Camp, which interned on back in the day. He delivers his lines in a charming thick New Yawk accent that I seldom hear anymore, unless I’m watching an Andy Warhol or Andy Milligan movie. Morgan Freeman’s in the clip as well, as the policeman.

What I love about this clip, besides the Yeti - I’m fascinated by Yeti’s btw - is that the Yeti monster seems to like to sit on cold food, but when he gets up, sometimes the food isn’t there, and I immediately wondered if he was sucking the food up his butt, like on that South Park when everyone starts to eat by putting food in their butts and pooping out of their mouths.

Oh, and there’s a cute reference to my hometown of Paramus, NJ. Werk it out, Yeti!

So for most people Friday the 13th is an unlucky day. But not for me!

Today I was searching for clips from Jamaa Fanaka movies on YouTube. Some background: Jamaa Fanaka got his start directing blaxploitation films in the 70’s, films like Black Sista’s Revenge and Soul Vengeance, and most notably the Penitentiary series. Here’s how Jabootu describes the Penitentiary films: “a rather over-the-top tale of a bantamweight boxer and his adventures in prison. Sequels followed in 1982 and 1987, each stranger than the one before. By its end the series featured more dwarves and transvestites than anything made outside of Italy.”

Soul Vengeance, aka, Welcome Home, Brother Charles is a sort of gang-revenge film about a man who gets ratted out by his crime buddy, sent to prison, where unseen by us, he’s experimented on and develops a curious ability. He’s able to stretch his penis out to massive lengths and strangle his enemies - the white cops who sent him up the river.

In the comments section for the above clip (posted by Jamaa himself under the screenname Bula Gordon) someone named Delon Baychester (!!!) writes (and no I can’t tell whether it’s tongue in cheek or not, but probably not):

“This is the type of film that the public wants to see now. You were ahead of your time on this one..

Peace
Delanor Baychester”

Fanaka/Bula is quite modest in his reply:

“Thanks for your support, Class. I’m certainly an original, that’s for sure.

Peace,

Jamaa”

After making a name for himself with exploitation films in the 70’s, Fanaka took a long, Stanley Kubrick-like break from film, only to reemerge in 1992 with his .32 magnum opus, Street Wars. Street Wars is not only my favorite of Fanaka’s films, it’s one of my favorite films ever made, a bizarre early 90’s mash-up of gang movies like Boyz in the Hood and New Jack City, The Godfather, and Star Wars. It tells the tale of Sugarpop, a young “top gun” whose trip home from boarding school changes his life when his older brother, the city’s top crack dealer, Frank is gunned down before his eyes. He’s forced to take over the family business, with help from his thug pal Humungus, bizarre Trannie gangsta Christie, and his grandma (Ma Gran), a bald wannabe Grace Jones with X-Ray vision. When their turf is threatened, the gang takes to the skies in these sort of flying dune-buggy propeller planes to gun down their rival gangs and clean up the streets through mass murder from up above. I screened it at my birthday party this year and the few and proud who were able to make it to the end were utterly transformed and thank me to this day for enlightening them. There’s a great, hilarious complete breakdown of the movie over at Jabootu, but I highly, highly recommend waiting until after the film before reading it.

I must reiterate - STREET WARS is a must-see. You will never be the same once you’ve seen it.

So anyway, instead of an unlucky day, it’s a lucky day because, as my friend (and co-bad movie watching buddy) Jim and I have been saying since we saw Street Wars, Fanaka needs to make another movie. And guess what? Apparently Jamaa’s in post-production on “HIP HOP HOPE” an “Underground hip-hop documentary musical.” Remember at the end of Breaking the Waves when Emily Watson is dead and the creepo husband is at her funeral and everyone hears the bells ringing from the heavens? Well that’s what it was like for me when I watched this clip:

There really aren’t words to describe the genius of seeing this man and realizing that he is his films. He talks exactly like the characters in his movies. I want to know him. I want to befriend him. I want to work on all his films. I want to look after him for a transformative weekend like in Scent of a Woman. In the comments section, Delon Baychester aka CLASS writes several personal messages to Fanaka - one says:

“Bula Gordon Helped me to becom the filmaker I am today.
You set the standard for black film makers.

Peace
Delanor Baychester

and Fanaka/Bula writes back:

“Dear Class:

You’re a class act. Looks like I’m gonna have to put off our appointment until Wednesday or Thursday. I’ve been kinda under-the-weather, too.

Peace,

Jamaa”

which gets this response:

” Ok. Let me know what is up. I left you a message. Delan”

WTF???

I found his MySpace Page which describes Del (I feel I know him now so I can use the familiar):

He has four photos of himself. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) three of them are the same picture. I think someone doesn’t know how to use MySpace properly.

“About me:
Just a down to earth cool brother that likes down to earth people.
Who I’d like to meet:
Down women that like to have fun. I prefer foreigners and open minded women. I am a big hip hop jazz buff. Let’s chill.”

His interests are:

“General : Music, music, music and more music. I love writing and listing to music.
Music: Music, music, music and more music. I love writing and listing to music.
Movies: I am a huge movie fan. If I am not living with music, I am living with film….
Television: I rarely watch television. I read a lot but, no TV…
Books: The Artist Way, The Celestine Prophecy
Heroes: Bruce Lee, James Brown, Eddie Harris, Marvin Gaye, Richard Pryor.”

This begs the question if he likes Jamaa Fanaka so much - how come neither he nor his alter-ego Bula Gordon is listed as Del’s heroes?

So I go to search for Delanor Baychester aka Class and I find several listings for “Delanor Baychester Presents Class” CD’s. Here’s Delanor’s/Class’s Biography: (BTW, are they two different people? Fanaka/Bula writes his replies to Delanor to Class, so I’m inclined to think yes) (PS: What is with all these pseudonyms!!!??)

“Class is a man on a mission!

Class is a performance artist with a style uniquely his own. He considers his music a mixture of acid jazz, hip-hop, R&B and Rap. A self-contained artist, producer, writer, engineer and promoter - this brother does it all!

Born Robert D. Bassett, Jr., and raised in the Baychester Projects of the Bronx, New York, Class always watched people free-style and have rap battles at block parties. This motivated him to work day in and day out on his rapping style, technique and writing. Class always had a rhyme in mind and was ready to perform at a moment’s notice. He never failed to excite the crowd with his electrifying power on the Mic.

Class later joined the Navy where he began to DJ and free-style at the American Legion. He was based in Seattle, Washington, and during this time he hooked up with Mr. Swift and B-Max with whom he created the group Brothers of the Same Mind. They began performing around the northwestern United States and in British Columbia, opening for such acts as RUN D.M.C., ICE CUBE, DJ QUICK and SCARFACE. Class and Brothers of the Same Mind were mentioned in the an issue of the Source magazine in the Unsigned Hype department as one of the best unsigned acts out.

Ever confident, Class went solo, which gave him total creative control over his musical style and direction. Even more opportunities opened up for him and he worked with other groups like S.W.V., HAMMER, PUBLIC ENEMY and Jeff Globlum(From the movie “The Fly”) . Class was selected to perform at Seattle’s Annual Bumbershoot Festival of the Arts. He has also performed in Los Angles clubs like the Mint, Los Palma’s and

The “Cocoanut Teaser” . At the same time, he ventured into modeling and acting, and appeared as an extra in the blockbuster movies Sleepless in Seattle and Disclosure. In addition to promoting his singing and acting careers, he is busy helping other artists by engineering, writing, and producing for them. He has since relocated to Los Angeles and he is currently In LACC Film School getting things in order to take Los Angeles to “Class” with his distinctive expression.

Class has degrees in both Audio Engineering and Midi Production has allowed enabling him to produce, engineer, mix and create a style that is literally representative of his name, Class. This quality is also apparent in work he has done for other upcoming artists. Class also runs his own publishing company, which he uses to publish his music and that of others.

With all of this you can see that Class truly is a man on a mission - a mission that can’t be ignored! So, the next time you’re in the mood for a unique mixture of rhythm and rhyme, check out the sophisticated original lyrics with a “touch of class” from the brother Class.

For booking information, call: (323)-266-0295″

But maybe I’ve gotten off track. This posting is supposed to be about Jamaa.

I just want to say and this is really the whole point of the posting - today I am happy. There will be a new Jamaa Fanaka film, and it will be good. I don’t care if it’s just a documentary, it will be genius. He is Risen. The description for the clip on Youtube says, “He calls his films “moving pictures” because he seeks to MOVE people in his works, move them in the right direction.”

And he certainly does.

Thank you for your time.

PS. Add Delanor Baychester as your MySpace friend. He’s only got 28 friends and I feel bad. How about we all show him we love him?

I am sitting in bed right now trying to decide whether to go see the Boredoms or Cat Power tonight, but until I decide, I’ve got a free concert right in front of me on TV. That’s right I’m talking Live Earth.

I’m watching the Bravo coverage and am thrilled that they have brought DUFF, my favorite former MTV VJ back from the island where they send all the old VJ’s to die. She’s co-hosting with Dave Holmes, the sweet guy who was runner up in MTV’s I Wanna Be A VJ competition, but who’s had a longer lasting career than obnoxious punk winner Jesse Camp.

My favorite part of the DUFF comeback is that the Pussycat Dolls just went on and afterwards Duff goes to Dave, “Dave, have you ever seen such beautiful PUSSY…cat Dolls?

Now this supermodel Petra Nemcova, who I never heard of until she was in the Tsunami and subsequently milked it to become a big D-List celeb, is being interviewed by Duff about why she is even there. Since her whole fame rests on the fact that she was in the Tsunami, I knew she’d never let us forget it. Sure enough, she feels that since she has seen the terrible effects of nature firsthand, she is qualified to preach to millions of people around the world. “If there is no nature, there is no us.” She just told me to take my cell phone charger out of the wall, because it still sucks in the power, and go to Green Power, both of which I have done/did.

Anyway, I have to fast forward through a bunch of shitty performances so I can just watch the DUFF parts. Genius.

UPDATE: Jack Johnson - is this the most boring singer on the entire planet? I never thought it was possible to get more bland, more generic, more M-O-R than Dave Matthews, but White America has surely found it’s musical savior. His music sounds like the theme to an 80’s family sitcom. Duff is trying to be nice, but her tongue is firmly planted in cheek. You know she thinks what I think.

What is with these American Express Commercials where the celebrities are talking about their favorite charities and the guy walks on and says he wants to save the lake and it’s all this campaign where users can submit their charity ideas and Amex will pick one. I hate it.

Giant Stadium looks empty, but I guess it just needs to look like there are people there for the TV audience, but I’m telling you, as someone who’s been to Giants Stadium for one of the last Dead concerts ever, this place is barely half full.

Akon is singing his hit “We Takin Over.” What is with saying “Everybody say ho-oh” “Say ho-ho” etc. Is there something else people can do? Can we come up with some new call-and-response things to engage crowds? I also don’t get “Ladies make some noise,” and am not particularly in love with “Make some noise! I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!”

So the performances are dull so let’s talk more about DUFF. Remember when she had cancer? And remember when she wore some hat to an awards show and Joan Rivers made fun of her, but she had to eat shit when she realized Duff was bald from the radiation treatment? Oh now Akon is singing “Don’t Matter, No,” which got hardcore stuck in my head when it came out. He is a tool, as are most popular R&B singers today, but sometimes there’s a catchy hook you can’t avoid. T-Pain’s “Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin)” is another one.

Anyway this Live Earth is inspiring. I’m going to unplug every appliance in my house, and put a bucket to catch the water from my freezer. Then I’m going to keep the water in a bucket by my bathroom sink so I don’t have to even turn on the water and run the risk of not turning it off and wasting it when I brush my teeth.

Akon is actually sitting on some bouncer’s shoulders being walked through the crowd. He looks like a complete asshole.

Back to DUFF! She is talking with Oscar Nominated actress Abigail Breslin. A double dose of Adorable. Dammit! They just cut to Linkin Park. These guys are the biggest tools but sometimes their shitty hooks get stuck in my head. “Doesn’t Even Matter,” most notably, which is what their singing now.

Oh I just found out Sundance is doing coverage as well, but they are showing stuff in a different order. They are still on Pussycat Dolls, and let’s face it, the best part of that was what DUFF said afterwards.

Is DUFF pregnant? I think I see a baby bump!

I love how celebrities are suggesting tips to help cut down on our power intake but they are suggesting the dumbest things. Akon just said when we go out of town and leave our lights on so burglars think we’re home, we should not do that. But what about the burglars? He ain’t gonna reimburse me for my shit. Please. Maybe some of these celebrities should suggest that we stop supporting shitty politicians who take handouts from industry and exploitative businesses?

UPDATE: John Mayer is LESS bland and boring than Jack Johnson. Good for you John Mayer.

Okay I’m going to Cat Power. Later.

UPDATE: Cat Power was kind of so-so. I should have stayed home with Live Earth.

Okay I’m turning the re-run of LIve Earth back on. The Black Eyed Peas are singing “Where is the Love?” Are they kidding - I can’t believe people eat this shit up.

Okay now Alicia Keys, who my aunt refers to as “Felicia Keys” is singing “Mercy Mercy Me.” She is not that good a singer, and also it’s a known thing that she’s a lesbian, so she’s a closet case loser to boot. And she’s murdering poor Marvin Gaye’s song. Isn’t it bad enough he was murdered by his father, now he’s gotta get it from Felicia Keys?

oh yay I can rewind and see old stuff i missed. Ahhh Dave Matthews!! Fast Forward!!! Ahh Sting and Trudi Styler!! Fast Forward!!! Ahh Red Hot Chili Peppers wearing what looks like bad Jeremy Scott knockoffs!!! Fast Forward!!! Ahhh!! Academy Award winner Melissa Etheridge!!

Okay I’ll watch the Al Gore speech. I love Al Gore. I will sign any pledge he asks. I worked for the Clinton campaign in 1996, and I got to meet him. He was really nice. I just wish he would run for president again. I hate him for not!!

Oh God the Foo Fighters are still around??? This concert is so 90’s. Why don’t they try to have a few more interesting artists in this mix. It is just Stinky McStinkerson. Ahhh!! Zach Braff!! Fast Forward!!!

Where is Karen Duff???? Garth Brooks??? For real? This has just denigrated so fast. It’s hypnotic, so bad I can’t turn it off. Some lady is telling me to use those fluorescent bulbs that look like spirals. I tried, they give off weird light. Can you come up with something else?

Okay, I can’t deal with this. Genesis is singing Land of Confusion. And they’re the best act that have been on so far. That is Live Earth in one sentence. “Genesis was the best act by far.”

Good night and good luck. God help us.

Do you ever have a song get stuck in your head and you have no idea how it got there? A few days ago all of a sudden No Doubt’s song “Spiderwebs” popped into my head and has nested there like a giardia parasite, altering my world and making me burst out singing it at random when walking down the street. Is this the first sign of demon possession?

My friend Maureen once told me that the sure-fire way to get a song out of your head was to sing Sheena Easton’s “Morning Train (Nine to Five)” Aka “My Baby Takes the Morning Train.” I have also heard “Girl from Ipanema” works well, but that’s not been my experience. Anyway Gwen and Tony and the rest of those losers are still stuck in my craw. It seems like bad foredbodings if you ask me.

I fear my days at Grey Gardens may be numbered.