Working Out Is Great in 2008: A Ramble
Ugh, I’m trying to find a gym to work off all the fat you accumulate when you are unemployed for 6 months and you have lots of free time so you get really into food like, for instance, you wake up and have either a blueberry muffin for breakfast or some sugar cookies later, and then they open the best restaurant ever Shopsins near you and you can’t help but going every day and having a big chicken sandwich with a side of stuffing. And then for dinner you just get lazy and decide well, okay I’m going to have Thai food again tonight, same as always and your paunch grows and grows.
Despite the fact that somehow my metabolism works to keep my weight at 170, and that everyone tells me I am thin, I see the flab and it’s my mission to get rid of it pronto. But gyms are expensive and all I want is a place with a treadmill and a bike cause I just want to do aerobic workouts for about six months, as per my Dr’s orders, but I don’t want to pay $450 bucks for that! By the way, someone pointed out to me a month ago something that I never realized about Strangers with Candy, which is that the Doctor that Jerri Blank would go to see was named Dr. Zorders…Get it? That show is the comedic gift that keeps on giving.
In other news, for my birthday on MARCH 20th would someone please get me a copy of Kitten Natividad’s amazing (so I’ve heard) workout video “Eroticise” where she and her melon-breasted Russ Meyer recruited friends do a workout/striptease routine that ends with a completely naked workout session. If anyone sees one online that’s not a fortune, just like the gym, please let me know. I’ve seen bootlegs for around thirty which seems steep, and Eddie Brandt’s doesn’t even have it, though apparently Miss Natividad, whose bust suffered after a bout with cancer and a mastectomy, is a customer there.
Speaking of boobs, I was listening to T. Rex today and as much as I loved them, the lyrics to Raw Ramp are pretty cringeworthy:
“Woman I love your chests, ooh, Baby I’m crazy bout your breasts.”
That’s all for now. Ramble over and out.