Application Letters From Hell
I got word this morning the short film I was producing has to be postponed indefinitely due to various reasons - none of them my fault tho. Bummer. But I’ll always have the retarded letters from unqualified applicants to keep me smiling. I’ve combined letters from this film with gems I received while putting together my past films. The mind reels.
Dear A. Baran,
COSTUME WARDROBE/ I am interested in seg waying back into the film industry.Quite a few years back while living in New york worked on a couple of films.Working my way into the industry at the time,hence to say left,and am very regretful that I didnt persue my passion; costume design. Lost my contacts,15 years and a marriage later,eagerly wanting to work my way in the industry. I am willing to do any work,that pertains to the area of wardrobe. I am a ,a history buff,quick study,energetic ,creative,and team player.And of course I am a seamstress. I did the costuming for a production of macbeth quite a few years back at theater in west palm beach,that is where I got bug.I am an avid reader of plays,well traveled ,spent years traveling back an forth to europe,and asia. Went to parsons school of design,created my own small business activly persuing and creating,advertising,logo work,and water colors.Was the creator and then exicution of the design of restaraunt’s,theme, and color selection within the space it’sself.I also created their logo, menu cover,and t-shirt design.The restaraunt owner of the establishment then purchased 8 of my watercolors for the space to finish off the entier package.I Also held a show of works,in a Brazilian eatery located on restarunt row . I had the great fortune of working on a couple of films shortly thereafter. I realize I will have to start at the enrty level,and that there will be alot of hard work involved,as well as an ability to take direction,which I will do with flair and finess,I am very eager to start,and willing and open to all types pay.I am beging to work on a short film in new york as the costume designer which will be finished shooting sept 15.
Hello Mr. Baran-
I am responding to your posting for a Producer for a short film. I am an experienced TV producer looking to jump the gap into actual meaningful creativity:) I am an excellent organizer and have a vast amount of experience with children. I know you may look at my resume and think, “This dumbass has no short film or film experience”. Fair enough. But I also ask you to look at my resume and see that I’ve excelled at everything I’ve tried and am an excellent producer. And by Producer I mean, I was always the guy on every show I worked on who ‘got shit done’. At my last assignment, I was in charge of getting all of the guests, booking all of their travel/hotels, producing segments, booking/producing satellite/fiber shots and interviews, generating my own content and ideas, doing on-air work (not an issue here, no interest), line-producing when the line producer was away, Series producing when the series producer was away and overseeing a staff of two production assistants and 13 interns (I did all the hiring/firing). In short, I can flat get it done. I thank you for your consideration.
Dear Adam Baran,
Hi! I am Ms _____________, I would just like to ask if it is possible for a Filipino like me to be a part of your company. I’ve graduated last March 2003 with a Degree in Mass Communications from one of the best Universities here in Manila. I’ve worked for a Television Commercial Production house after graduation, since March 2003 up to February 2005. I always love working with people. Communication has never been a barrier to my achieving things and being on the career path that I’m taking now. I chose working in production. I’ve learned so much about technical things. Camera, the lights, the effects… I could never say that I’m expert on these things but I could say that I know more of them now. Working and dealing with clients, although not always directly, has taught me a lot of things. I used to have fears dealing
with big smart people. But doing it quiet often, gave me more confidence. Having the right to know and listen to their ideas is a big thing. I have worked with several Directors here in the Philippines, some local and some foreign. I’ve worked with them for one year and three months on different projects. I can say that we respect each other professionally and became quite particular on how each of us work. As for production houses, I have only worked with two. I’m proud that I was able to work as an Associate Production Assistant on the two top production houses here in the Philippines. Working and dealing with clients which I’ve done on my previous job, although not always directly, has taught me a lot of things. I used to have fears dealing
with big smart people. But doing it quiet often, gave me more confidence. Having the right to know and listen to their ideas is a big thing. It would really be a privilege and a great once in a lifetime experience working in your company. I’m hoping to widen more my horizon in other countries and share my knowledge that I acquire through experience and studies. Not everybody is given the chance to work and blend with a race different from their own. Not everyone is capable of proving to themselves that despite the differences, there lays a great
possibility to make change and be a big help on other land and be a pride of their own. It would surely be a great learning experience. I’m hoping for your kind response.
To whom this may concern:
I graduated from the Hollywood Film Institute in Los Angeles. This was taught by Dov S.S. Simens who is said to be the best independent film teacher in the world. In this class I was gain more knowledge about producing a feature film from development to post-production. I had an internship at the Walt Disney World College Program. In this program I have an internship at the Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida. My responsibility at Walt Disney World was to make sure that all the guest was to maintain a special trait all day. That trait was to keep them having a joyful time at the Magic Kingdom. I am moving to the Santa Monica area in April.
THIS IS MY FAVORITE:
Dear Adam Baran,
I think I can, I think I can. I have lots-o-cutting experience and I managed a Comedy theater for about a year down on Bleeker St. What does that mean, I memorized the stand-up shows and I think this protracted exposure had an effect on me. I am forever altered. Eddie Izzard being the most known of the comedians had such an affect on the audience, just the anticipation of his funniness made the audience laugh, he would then wait for the laughs to build just standing there, doing nothing, and in perfect time he would change one thing, shoot an odd look, adjust himself and the whole audience would lose it. What the heck I think putting the two experiences together isn’t such a long shot.
Thanks for your time and consideration, _______________