Click below to see the single most amazingly bad video I have ever seen, for Michael Jackson’s older sister Rebbie’s 1984 hit single. Trust me, this is unreal - a woman that turns into a tiger, a Cobra that shoots 80’s laser beams from its eyes, a group of tuxedoed rejects from Madonna’s Material Girl video doing a strange line dance resembling the arms of the Centipede, it’s like the director saw Diana Ross’s video for Pieces of Ice, which I posted HERE some time ago - and decided, “You know what, I don’t think they went far enough into crazy town.” The lyrics are insane too - “When the centipede is hot, you’re bound to feel the fire.” It’s all too, too wonderful.
Be forewarned, this clip is more painful to watch than a clip reel of every cruel scene in the films of Todd Solondz, Ulrich Seidl, Michael Haenke, Catherine Breillat, Fassbinder, Gaspar Noe. I would rather watch the rape scene in Boys Don’t Cry on loop for 24 hours than have to watch this one more time. I would rather watch the eyeball snipping scene in Hostel for a week. I would rather watch every episode of American Idol, every Jack Black movie, the 700 club on a daily basis, and old episodes of the show Pinwheel a hundred times before I clicked play on this piece of depressing, what the fuck happened to the world, soul-crushing clip.
I knew that having Iggy Pop perform a handful of Madonna hits at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, in lieu of her highness, who didn’t want to perform - was a completely horrible idea. But nothing could have compared me for how gut-wrenchingly painful this clip is.
I can’t describe what’s worse - seeing Madonna giving off-handed looks like “WTF?” as she stares at this messy, horrible cover? Seeing genius guitarist Mike Watt of the Minutemen staring at Iggy in pain, with a “Just two more minutes and it’ll all be over” expression on his face? How Chelsea Queen excited Iggy gets when he finally sees Madonna? The painful interaction where even Madge can’t think of a halfway decent compliment for the FUCKING STOOGES!!!!????? Though I can’t say I blame her for that. What do you say after that? Still…
Oh I’m just burning up over it - NO PUN INTENDED!!!
My friend Jan Wandrag knew that I am somewhat obsessed with this MTV show “Life of Ryan” about a Ryan Scheckler, a twink skateboard player and what a tough tough life he has as a top player and moneymaker in the industry. Boo Hoo Twinky!! Jan made me a Richard Prince-esque collage of Ryan which I am loving. I am by no means a chicken hawk, but I could definitely change my tune for this one.
Click the Thumbnail for the full portrait.
I mean seriously, can you not just picture this kid being that kid in high school who every single person, from girls to boys to teachers to parents wants to bang in some weird metaphysical way??? He’s like the Laura Palmer of the Los Angeles Skateboarding community.
